Breaking News

Vince McMahon admits John Cena sucks!

You read the headline correct wrestling fans. Vince McMahon practically admits John Cena blows fucking chunks as a wrestler. Variety recently ran an article on the WWE Films division and it was mostly a fluff piece talking about how amazing they are doing, and how they are going to branch out and try to do comedies based on the success of The Game Plan for Dwayne Johnson (who my sources tell me wrestled at one point under “The Rock” moniker), but then Vince McMahon was quoted with the following:

“First and foremost, they’re performers and some of them secondarily are athletes,” McMahon says.”

Some of them are great atheletes! Ergo, John Cena sucks! And, the Great Khali really sucks! And, Vince McMahon doesn’t care, see…

“You have to reinvent yourself over and over,” McMahon says.

Editor’s Note: Our sources inside the WWE confirm that Vince McMahon confuses the words reinvent and recycle and nobody wants to correct him out of fear of getting fired.

“We’ve always have the creative ability to do that. You change with the times. Our audience is a very active and vocal focus group. They vote with their wallets. If they don’t like what they’re being presented, they don’t come. You have to judge their reactions.”

Oh, I get it. They realize their writing is so repetitive and mildly-retarded, that the only people who would be willing to actually pay for it are dumb little kids or young girls (and I’m sure a good chunk of older guys) who think Jeff Hardy is so dreamy. It’s clear that I don’t know what I want, Vince knows what I want. Vince knows I love matches that never get out of 2nd gear and the reverse chin lock is the greatest move in the world. Thanks, Vince. Here’s the login to my bank account…

Posted by Blogger Brody on March 2nd, 2008
Tags: , , , ,

Responses

  1. Merlina says:
    April 18th, 2008 at 3:46 pm (#)

    First of all it doesn’t sound like Vince Mcmahon said Cena sucks at all.You are making that up in your head.Second,you sound gay by trying to convince everybody you are not and saying all older men who like wresting think Jeff Hardy is dreamy and basicily saying they r gay.You need a life.You r probably frustrated cause you think Cena an Jeff r attractive.I bet u want them.

  2. Blogger Brody says:
    April 18th, 2008 at 5:35 pm (#)

    First of all, it doesn’t seem like you understand the concept of sarcasm, and second of all what’s wrong with thinking Jeff Hardy is dreamy? NO HOMO!

  3. John Cena says:
    April 18th, 2008 at 5:38 pm (#)

    No, he’s right. I do suck.

    Word Life.

  4. Geekzilla says:
    April 18th, 2008 at 10:04 pm (#)

    I for one think Marty Jannetty is way hotter than Jeff Hardy…followed by Sweet Stan Lane in close second.

    // w00t!

  5. Pat Patterson says:
    April 18th, 2008 at 10:06 pm (#)

    I’m gonna have to go with me, Sweet Stan Lane and Jeff Hardy in a TRIPPLE TRETT MATCH.

    With whipped cream.

  6. Geekzilla says:
    April 18th, 2008 at 10:08 pm (#)

    It ain’t a party unless it’s a Pat Patterson party!

  7. Simone says:
    May 6th, 2008 at 9:34 am (#)

    Currently the WWE has a lot of talented wrestlers working for them so it saddens me that they aren’t giving more of these talented people a push. Instead they keep shoving the very limited John Cena down the fans throats. I find this
    decision by the WWE to be very annoying. Do they really think they can continue to hold the attention of the fans this way? People are tired of Cena being the
    World Heavyweight Champion or being in all the main events because all his matches are predictable and boring.

    Also I think that Randy Orton is much more attractive than Cena. He is also a much better wrestler and is far more entertaining. He deserves to be champ again rather than an over-rated guy like Cena, or an old guy like Triple H. Triple H needs to pass the torch to younger talent.

  8. Randy Orton says:
    May 6th, 2008 at 12:14 pm (#)

    *evil gay pose with longing stare*

    The Age of Orton will rise again.

    Not gay!

  9. mirage says:
    June 7th, 2008 at 6:00 pm (#)

    everyone is entitled to there opinion but wrestling isnt like it use to be, where talant sold tickets rather then the bullchit on ecw with edge and vicki, over the undertaker. maybe he wanted to retire but for years the mans been a great wrestler and the wwe is sinking fast. as far as cena, hes good but he isnt what he use to be and as far as ortan , now theres a real cry babie, the only way he wins is hitting someone from behind. triple h is another great wrestler, he allways gives 110 percent, orton couldnt hold his boots let alone a real title. i think vince needs to wake up and remember its wrestling and we want to see real matches. its like the big show theres a man 7 feet tall 441 pounds, now truthfully who could stand against that, suely not edge or ortan.

  10. Hulke says:
    November 1st, 2008 at 5:27 pm (#)

    yea, sucks… Nobody !

  11. john cena says:
    November 19th, 2008 at 8:58 am (#)

    fuck u

  12. whatever says:
    December 11th, 2008 at 4:13 am (#)

    this mirage or whatever…just bullshitting. If you go to wrestlemania…you’ll most likely see people booing at Cena, and actually CHEERING for randy orton. randy orton is a great athlete, and he in my oppinion, is actually a better wrestler than cena and some batista shit. Both Edge and Orton are such great heels that they made you so fuckin hate them.

    Great job, Edge and Orton. Keep on makin these pussies hate you.

  13. UltimateWarrior says:
    December 12th, 2008 at 10:11 pm (#)

    You are rigth Merlina, this note about VM saying that about John Cena, he never say nothing like that,
    Blogger Brody ,do you have brain Damage?

    Edge Suck, The Undetaker will destroy him soon.

  14. The Great Khali says:
    December 18th, 2008 at 4:04 pm (#)

    GRUDAH PRUERG SUTREK I STILL SUCK WORSE THAN CENA HEDFTY LKIUOP GRAWLR JUGRWA!!! KREWLYAH UMAGAPENIS KREWLA BUT AT LEAST IM JUST A COMEDY ACT NOW WERTSGH GRAULKJA BRUGHTWO!!! HRUMPAH JRGRUAH SERIOUSLY THOUGH CENA BLOWS GRYIKA BRUGA!!!

  15. Me says:
    January 30th, 2009 at 9:34 pm (#)

    I wish cena to fight in a MMA match, so he can get his butt kicked, he wouldn’t last half a minute

  16. MMA says:
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:22 pm (#)

    anyone in UfC could kill em.

  17. the rock says:
    February 17th, 2009 at 5:07 am (#)

    finally the rock has come back 2 the topic…
    the rock says this ” cena..a nobody..a pore..roody poo candy ass”..”The Rock is gonna go through cena like ex-lax goes through his fat-ass mama!”..
    so watch it…
    if U SMELLLAOOO…WAT THE ROCK…IS COOKIN

  18. former fan says:
    March 4th, 2009 at 2:41 am (#)

    i used to be a big fan of wrestling when i was a kid (bret hart era) i stopped watching for a while then got back into it during the rock, stone cold triple h angle era. now i tune into raw and find my self falling asleep. i remember when i hated triple h and now not only am i forced to cheer for him, but i honeslty want to see him pretend to whack people in the face with that sledge hammer, solely on the fact that almost all of them suck. and the few that dont (ie. cm punk) are midcarders cause vince seemingly cant stand to see the belt around the waste of someone under 250 for more then a couple of months, no matter how much the fans want it. As for cena he’s kinda funny sometimes but not for the reasons you’d think. wWhen you look at it the wwe has sucessfully neutered wrestlers who were great (ie. chris jericho) in order to push guys who truly suck, but are gigantic. Batista comes to mind. I would take angle and benoit(yes benoit) jericho(non bitter y2j version), the rock, stone cold, over the new top dogs. who, i might add, out of all of them, edge being the best worker. the wwe is a mess.
    p.s.
    before anyone gets mad
    i tried hard to like cena, but god he a mediocre wrestler and a bad rapper and a terrible actor. why do so many people like him? Because it’s easy to look like a rock star when everyone around you is wearing a helmet and drooling on themselves.

  19. Jake Wasey says:
    March 4th, 2009 at 8:18 pm (#)

    JOHN CENA YOU ROCK!!!!!!! RANDY ORTOn you suck

  20. The King Of Kings says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 11:58 pm (#)

    CENA SUCKS COCK

    SO DOES JEFF, THEY BOTH BLOW

    WWE SUCKS ASS

    TNA IS THE FUTURE

    WWE IS ALREADY RUINED BECAUSE OF THESE PRICKS

  21. hulk hogan says:
    March 24th, 2009 at 12:18 am (#)

    what cha gonna do when hulkamania runs wild on u brother and i mean that in a gay way

  22. WWE sucks says:
    April 14th, 2009 at 10:48 pm (#)

    Cena sucks he is a juicer wannabe wigger.

    Real talent like Jericho are becoming the bad guy.

  23. CENA SUCKS 4 REAL says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 7:22 pm (#)

    cena sucks
    cena is a fag

  24. john cena says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 7:26 pm (#)

    i now i can´t wrestle. but im wwe Worst Wrestler Ever. my only fans are kids, girls, fan boys and marks. i only have 5 moves. all wrestlers thinks that i suck. i accept that i suck on the microphone too i suck in everything, im gay. i did copy the goodfather´s finisher. and also i changed the phrase of kurt angle to hustle loyalty respect. i really suck and i will suck for ever.

  25. john cena says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 7:26 pm (#)

    im only a money maker that´s all. kids buy my toys

  26. john cena says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 7:27 pm (#)

    im the worst wrestler ever :$

  27. a group of real wrestling fans says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 7:29 pm (#)

    hey vince come on we can´t support this anymore!!!
    fire cena!!! please we wan´t real wrestling!!! fuck john cena

  28. former wwe watcher says:
    April 20th, 2009 at 7:52 pm (#)

    WWE sucks…tna will rise and fuckin blow the wwe out of the water.please fire cena.

    bring back the hardcore shit!

    better storylines!!!!!!!

    f you cena!

  29. WWE SUCKS MORE THAN EVER says:
    April 22nd, 2009 at 12:03 am (#)

    When Eddie died is when it really started to go downhill even faster….i seriously can’t sit through a whole episode of RAW anymore….cena will be the downfall of it all….i dont watch wwe anymore because of him…he’s not even worth booing anymore…neither is HHH…tired of them all…HHH is ALWAYS in the main event…its so boring…he can be gone for the whole year and come back in time for wrestlemania and STILL be in the main even for the championship….it sucks…its no wonder why top wwe guys left wwe for TNA….fuck the wwe…oh and i snuck backstage at the supershow in dallas…and they escorted me out lol….fuck that, i wasnt doing anything wrong…all the fucking money i gave to wwe the past years, I DESERVE to be back there…i give those workers thier paychecks…i will never watch wwe again, FUCK WWE, FUCK VINCE, FUCK CENA

  30. Cena Sucks says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 5:33 am (#)

    I hate watching Cena’s matches because they are predictable and boring. People who like Cena do not necessarily know what is to wrestle. Kurt Angle himself said that Cena is a good entertainer but not a good wrestler. I hold it here.

  31. Mrs.john cena says:
    July 3rd, 2009 at 9:19 pm (#)

    Man fuk all yall who hatin on john cena he the reason the wwe is so big so all yall san suck cock and get off john cena swagg n get your own shit bitch dnt hate wat yu cnt imate thats y yall hatin on cena cuz yall cnt be like him so 4rm me to all yall hataz fukkkk you….dah one n only john cena’s wifey 4 life botch

  32. John Cena says:
    July 9th, 2009 at 4:54 pm (#)

    No, you shut up! They are right, I suck big time. I only know 5 moves and don’t even perform them correctly, i can’t learn more moves ’cause i’m an idiot. I’m not funny, i can only come up with jokes for 3 year old kids. If you like me, then you suck too.

  33. John Cena says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:00 am (#)

    Guys. I admit it, I suck. It’s okay. I mean Earl Hebner can put on a better match than me, or hell Paul Bearer could put on a better much. BTW I jack off when they do close ups of Paul Bearer’s face at Survivor Series 1991. That shit is fucking sexy, best jizz I ever took.

  34. Big Daddy V says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:01 am (#)

    I have huge tits.

  35. Donald Trump says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:04 am (#)

    Big Daddy V has sexy huge tits.

  36. Vince McMahon says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:10 am (#)

    I take scissors and trim out my nose hairs then I tickle my own lip with them.

  37. Awesome Kong says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:10 am (#)

    i eat people like john cena for breakfast. he like kfc chicken to me

  38. Bobby Lashley says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:12 am (#)

    YEAH ME TOO I EAT JON CENA UP LIKE BAKEFAST AND KENTACKY FIED CHICKUN.

  39. Donald Trump says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:15 am (#)

    You’re fired.

  40. George W. Bush says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 10:59 pm (#)

    I draw Danny naked.

  41. John Cena says:
    August 20th, 2009 at 10:59 pm (#)

    For all my fans, i’ve got to say…I SUCK!!! and I SUCK BIG TIME!!! that’s the whole and only truth

  42. billy3bwhite says:
    November 22nd, 2009 at 1:09 pm (#)

    john cena is the worst thing ever. Eugene knew more moves than him. I find myself to be more interested in hornswoggle matches than his. Randy orton is the greatest ever. He grew up in wrestling. John cena just grew up a faggot.

  43. MINK says:
    November 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am (#)

    JOHN CENA ROCKSSS….THIS IS TRUE.
    HE IS VERY HARDWORKING GUY.

  44. Kukujiao says:
    November 29th, 2009 at 3:57 am (#)

    JOHN CENA ROCKSSS….THIS IS TRUE.
    HE IS VERY HARDWORKING GUY. AND HE IS SUCKKSSS!!!

  45. John Cena says:
    December 6th, 2009 at 1:15 am (#)

    Sorry Kukujiao I try to work hard but I can’t learn anymore than these 5 moves that I do. I’m gay and like so suck on my bosses butthole every night after work. Please still love me I’m the greatest champion of all time!

  46. David says:
    January 10th, 2010 at 2:12 am (#)

    Cena is absolutely brutal in the ring and has to be the most overpushed wrestler of all time, Hulk Hogan included. Hogan was charismatic and the most popular wrestler in the WWF by miles and miles; Cena is hated by most fans above the age of 12. All he is is Lou Thesz press, zomfg clothesline, hulk up with his shoes or whatever, Attitude Adjustment/FU. He cannot wrestle his way out of a paper bag.

    What gets under my skin most though is the pathetic way the WWE just pushes and pushes and pushes him, trying to get him ‘over’ with the fans who boo him even when he wrestles massive heels like Orton and Edge.

    Look on Youtube for the end of Royal Rumble 2008. Cena and Triple H were punching each other, when Cena got hit the crowd cheered, when HHH got hit the crowd booed. The main face, in the process of getting yet another stupidly massive push, getting booed mercilessly? It’s supposed to be the other way around.

    Everywhere Hulk Hogan goes he STILL gets a huge positive reaction, same with Stone Cold, The Rock, Bert Hart, Ric Flair, etc. Cena had the longest title reign since Hogan was in the WWF, has been getting massive push after massive push for five years now, and is still hated… because he SUCKS. He has no charisma, he can’t wrestle and his character is boring and annoying (though the inept WWE writing staff are to blame for this).

    Possibly the WORST thing about him is that you always know the only reason he ever loses the title is so they can have him win it back in a spectacular way and maybe the fans will finally like him. Does he know where the bodies are buried or something? This guy is the main reason the WWE is crap these days. Orton’s character is boring and depthless, and most of the other talented wrestlers are over the hill, but there HAS to be someone better than Cena to take the championship.

Leave a Response