Why, Matt Hardy? WHY?!

That is the question that is being asked by Hardy marks all around the internets.¬† At this past Sunday’s Royal Rumble, Matt Hardy turned on his brother, Jess Harvey, during a WWE title match with Edge. And people are taking it wayyyy too seriously.

Exhibit A:¬†This picture/comment was taken off Matt Hardy’s myspace, and shows that people still believe that ITS STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT;

Exhibit B: As a result of all the bickering and hilariously insane comments off that no good sonofabitch Matt Hardy’s myspace, a friend of mine made an animated video with an accumulation of the best and worst posts that were miraculously approved on V1′s site. That may be viewed here (thank you for your excessive free time, JohnnyBL).

Exhibit C: Finally, it all comes full circle. Remember when Owen Hart turned on Bret Hart at the 1994 Royal Rumble? Just imagine if we had social networking and blogs back then. People would have been murdered, yo. New Jack City styl’. With guns and shit. You know what I mean?

I’d like to remind everyone that wrestling is fixed. The storylines, the matches, the results are all a work. If you take it too seriously, you’re worse than a mark; you’re a certifiable retard. I know that I might be coming off as a bit harsh, but as a wrestling fan for, pretty much, my entire life.. I always had the presence of mind to know that it’s entertainment (well, sometimes it isn’t entertaining; thanks WWE!).

Grow up.

The Big Redneck Machine

georgia 1(Above: The Georgia State Athletic Commission convenes to discuss further changes to the athletic code)

I have thought of some other rules for the Georgia State Athletic Commission to think about, in the spirit of their earlier announcements documented here, to better govern wrestling events in their fine state.

1. Referees must watch the action at all times, under penalty of fine and/or dismissal. If a pinfall is shown by video to have occurred while a referee was arguing with someone on the apron, that pinfall will count retroactively, and the negligent referee will be fined US $10,000 for the first offense, US $20,000 for the second offense, and fired for the third offense.

2. Any wrestler whose leg is horribly injured by a high impact move must not be seen to rise to his feet and walk under normal power less than twenty-four (24) hours after incurring this injury, under threat of dismissal. Showing the ability to rise to one’s feet 2 minutes after being hobbled to execute a superplex would indicate that the party was not being entirely truthful and probably wasn’t really injured; and violates the spirit of fair play.

3. Pursuant to the high rate of incidents occurring backstage pre- and post-match, security will be beefed up, and wrestlers known to have ongoing rivalries will be barred from interacting with each other backstage.

4. For all wrestling events, all referees on the payroll must be present AT RINGSIDE for all matches. This is to ensure that in the unfortunate event that a referee is incapacitated during a match, another one can step in and make sure the match proceeds according to the rules.

5. There have been a multitude of incidents in which contracted wrestlers hop over the guardrail and create a disturbance during a match and/or television taping, many of which have proven to be beyond the on-site security team’s ability to control. In light of this, any persons under contract to any wrestling organization may not be seated any closer than twenty (20) rows from ringside.

6. All persons contracted to work for wrestling organizations, who announce their retirement, must stay retired for no less than three (3) years.

7. All ambulances on site at wrestling arenas MUST be staffed with EMTs, AND be guarded round the clock by armed security teams. This precaution is to ensure that other wrestlers do not endanger the safety of their rivals by waiting until they are loaded into the back of an ambulance and then driving them somewhere other than a hospital to do them further harm.


Speaking Out

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